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    41st Night

"Happy New Year, Gorgeous"


Forty-First Night...


  Eleven days have passed since '40' was written.  I've seen you a few times when together with a group and managed a quick hug hello and/or goodbye on each occasion, talked to you on the phone briefly once or twice but always others are near and we can't discuss anything of substance. It's been over two weeks since we've had any lengthy conversations where just the two of us are able to talk freely. I wonder if you're missing me anywhere near as much as I miss you: do you miss our talks, our laughing together, our sharing of thoughts, hopes and dreams?  Again, while it's only been two weeks, it seems like months and when I don't have any contact with you, even knowing this whole dream I have of  'Us' is a fantasy at present, I can be in a crowd of people but still have the empty feeling of total loneliness because I don't and can't know what you're doing or thinking without some kind of communication.  Because of that, I begin to imagine that perhaps you're having second thoughts about our friendship, our covert conversations, our fantasy relationship that we've discussed about 'what could have been' and what may be in the future, you know, the 'never say never' phrase we are so fond of.  My hope is you haven't changed at all, it's only in my mind because I was so used to having access to your thoughts twice a day and I really miss that.

  I did get a chance to see you, with a group, in a crowd, on New Year's Eve and that was a delight.  You, as usual, were stunning, breathtakingly gorgeous and I wanted to whisk you away to a place where you and I could spend the evening together, alone, just like the couple in the silhouette above, toasting the new year, toasting us, slow dancing to our favorite love song, then welcoming the first day making love until dawn and falling asleep entwined in a lover's embrace, so warm, so tightly bonded as if we were one being.  Such a marvelous fantasy of the two of us, Gorgeous.

  The reality is, however, that we couldn't do those wonderful things together that night.  I wonder, will there be any times this year when I'm holding you in my arms, softly stroking your beautiful hair and gently kissing your delicious lips, even if only for a few blissful, stolen moments?  Again, I certainly hope so, I do miss those marvelous kisses; I've become addicted to tasting your sweet lips and soft, warm mouth.



"My Gorgeous Moon Fairy"


  Tonight will be a full moon, the first of the new year of course.  And while most of the country is under a thick cover of clouds and rain causing the moon to go unseen, I will close my eyes and see you, my gorgeous Moon Fairy, my fantasy love, my beautiful dream girl with the full moon in the background and think enchanting thoughts of  'Us' as I drift off to sleep with the vision of your lovely face in my mind, the feel of your inner beauty in my heart and the hope of  our togetherness in my soul. 

  Tomorrow I look forward to receiving a call from you as our schedules are getting back to normal after the holidays.  I can't wait to hear your pleasant, charming voice.  I miss you so much, Gorgeous.


      42nd Night

"Sparks Fly When We Kiss"


Forty-Second Night...


  Hey Babe.  The picture above was titled 'Silhouette of Couple Kissing on New Year' but it  reminds me of July 4th, when the weather is so much more warmer and the days longer than they are on this day.  And, sparks do fly when we kiss, it's a memory of 'Us' I'll always cherish.

  The phone call I received from you three days ago while surprising was not a total blindside, I could tell you've been troubled of late, but still I wasn't ready for it, I hoped that call would never come. I will say this though: I'm heartsick, heartbroken and hurting inside.  I don't want to not have any contact with you, not be able to enjoy your company through our daily talks and ever-so-rare-lately up close and personal meetings.  I think you said you "can't do this anymore"; after that everything else is a blur and the phone connection kept breaking up. You also said something about "is that all I am to you" so I must have sounded as if I didn't care or was indifferent about you having to end our wonderful relationship; nothing could be further from the truth, you had just taken a bat and slammed my heart with it and I wasn't ready so I'm sure I just rambled on.  I know you've been struggling with your feelings and I know it's hard for you to continue what we have going on with so many obstacles, so many others in need of your attention, so many hearts of friends and family to attend to.  If you truly need to stop, then I can't stand in your way, as much as I'd like to come to where you are and just swoop you up and carry you away to our fantasy land of hopes and dreams.  We want it to be real but we both know it's all just a fantasy for now, although I loved it when you said you "never felt like this about anyone else before".  Those are my feelings about you exactly summed up in one sentence.  Oh, my Love, "What could have been".  And so it goes...

  For now, though, I'd like for you to remember all the words I wrote here, look back on occasion so you'll know just how much you mean to me.  Everything about your beautiful, kind, caring, loving, graceful, talented, funny, intelligent, sexy self on these pages come directly from my heart and I will always, always, hold you up on a pedestal that is unreachable by any other woman I have ever met.  I truly believe that you are, without a doubt, the one for me and me for you, we were meant to be and should be together and one day, when we can both see a clear road ahead, when that day does materialize in our lives, we will be.  As I've said over and over, "Our day will come".  In the meantime, also remember I am, and always will be, first and foremost, your friend.  That's why I tried not to show how sad I was while on the phone the other day.  I know this is hard for you too and there's no reason for me to get upset over this outwardly and get you feeling bad or worse than you are already, I will never intentionally hurt your heart, for you see, I do love you, adore everything about you and just can't get enough of you.  There have been so many times when I could show you that love, do so much more for you, but I couldn't because I know your situation, I get it and I get you.  What little bit of your inner self you shared with me is safe and always will be.  I'll forever be here for you should you ever need me for anything, ever, anytime. We'll talk soon, in the meantime, this is good night. I'll never, ever, say goodbye to you.  Sweet dreams, Gorgeous.

"Good Night and Sweet Dreams, Gorgeous"

43rd Night

"Kiss Me, My Love, Then Kiss Me Again"


Forty-Third Night...


  It's another cold evening, rain and snow is again on the way tomorrow.  What better way to start another segment on a winter night filled with loneliness then with a picture of a loving couple kissing on the beach at sunset.  Oh Gorgeous, how I wish that was a photo of us!  If I close my eyes I can almost feel you in my arms, taste your delicious kisses and breathe in that sweet fragrance that is only you.  I truly don't want to open my eyes and find you're not here with me.  My imagination puts a smile on my face, warmth in my heart, comfort in my soul, wanting me to believe with everything I have that when I do open them, my dream will come true, you will materialize and I'll find your beautiful self along side of me right here in this room.  Sadly, when they are open I only see these words on my computer screen.  I'll have to try again later, one thing I do have when it comes to my fantasy is hope that we will one day become 'Us', not just for the kisses, but also for the sharing of all that is you: mind, heart and soul. I have missed you so much lately; I dislike not having any contact with you more than I let on, but I hold it in so as not to upset you.

  Your call I described in '42' was eleven days ago.  I really thought you had come to the conclusion that 'Us' was not going to be possible: no more calls or personal contact other than a couple of emails with a promise to "talk soon" which never materialized over the course of a week.  My dilemma: should I try and continue this with you further, contact you through any number of ways and perhaps make a nuisance of myself or worse, get us busted by others?  You seemed, at the time, to seriously feel you needed to break this off, in fact perhaps you still feel you need to give us up, but something inside is apparently nagging at you, pulling you back out of your comfort zone and into the unknown but oh so very exciting world of having someone who finally 'gets you', adores you and everything about you, everything that you are, at least that's my take as I write this.  It's a conflict within yourself: should you stay put and feel blessed with all that you have already or come to me and find a happiness you now seem to lack, possibly even true love?  That would certainly make my millennium.  On the outside most may think it wrong but they aren't living your life or mine.  My view is regardless of what is 'wrong' or 'right' and who thinks it, the draw that we have towards each other is so strong, there's such a tight bond between us that I can't come up with any idea other than it's absolutely right what we have together.  Words on this page cannot express how much I am in love with you and all that you are. Having professed my love more than once, maybe now you'll understand why, after you said you "can't do this anymore" or whatever the phrase was, I seemed as if it was no big deal.  It was, in reality, a crushing blow to me.  I immediately felt that lump in my throat, that emptiness inside, the heartsickness.  But I felt if I kept pushing you, when I knew you were troubled also, I may just push you away for good, that you might feel as if it would become too obvious to others and could wreck your life in ways that could possibly be unfixable. Having no contact with you is unacceptable, seeing you hurt in anyway is unconscionable.  So I sucked it up, lived with the heartache and stayed away, absolutely hating every second of not being able to talk to you or contact you in anyway.  I thought it was the 'right thing to do', I didn't want to worry you. In my mind, I thought I was doing what was best for you because I have such strong feelings for you and want you to always be happy regardless of where I fit in.

  I almost caved in a couple of times, that is, I was on the verge of contacting you.  I just couldn't stand not having any contact with you, not hearing your voice or seeing you.  I had a text written and ready to send but thought I better not and deleted it. Then on the same day, no more than an hour later, you sent an email.  I replied and you called me later.  I was outside, it was cold, a bit breezy and I was having a hard time hearing you, in fact the call was dropped once and you had to call back.  But oh the joy to know that it was YOU on the other end!  Even more joy to know that you missed me too, continue to have me on your mind.  I wish I could have had all of my thoughts in order, even had written notes so I wouldn't forget to tell you anything I had been thinking of for what felt like an eternity.  But, in a nutshell, I miss you, I love you and I want to be able to have contact with you as often as possible even though I didn't try to because of the reasons I talked about in the above paragraph.  Again, believe me when I tell you I may have seemed nonchalant  on the outside, acted as if it was no big deal that you didn't want to do this anymore, but on the inside I was heartsick about losing you more than I have ever been about anyone.  After the call ended, I thought for sure you would call me the next day but you didn't.  I did get a short message online but it's not the same as hearing your voice.  

  I told you during the call that my feelings for you hadn't changed in ten days, I still feel as strongly now as I did before, you said you're still the same person too.  So, as I close out this session, I ask you: will you please take the time to call me more often?  I need to hear your voice, I want to hear your voice.  I need my fix, it's unbearable not knowing when or if you're going to call me again and as I've mentioned several times before I cannot contact you for fear of arousing suspicions in others.  I'm not asking you to give up everything you have or are about, nor am I trying to talk you into something illicit.  I want you to stay in my life, I need you to stay in my life.  I miss having that closeness with you, Gorgeous.

  I saw you tonight, the first time in over three weeks.  You were the most beautiful woman in the room, still the loveliest, most stunning girl on the planet.  We hugged hello, later we kissed quickly, we had some time together albeit with others or course and then the night ended too soon but at least I got to see you.  You told me you missed me and I whispered the same to you in return.  This shouldn't be happening between us regardless of who else is in our lives, the bond is too strong. It continues to take the same course, however, day after day.  I know why but I wish it could go our way just once.  Seeing you this night was such a treat, you were mesmerizing me and try as I may, I couldn't take my eyes off you.  You're still and always will be constantly on my mind, Gorgeous, I do miss you so.


   44th Night

"Missing You Again"


Forty-Fourth Night...


   Hello again, Gorgeous.  Yesterday I broke my own rule:  I just couldn't stand not having any kind of contact with you so I sent you a message.  Actually, I called and left a voicemail first hoping you check your messages on that line occasionally, then last night I sent an email requesting you check your voicemail and call if you had a minute, thinking you'd see it and reply today.  You didn't so I can only assume that you either didn't check your email or did check it and have decided not to have any contact with me after thinking it over.  Again, if it's the latter, I understand why with your varied interests and all those involved in your life, you'd need to 'stop this' with me.  It's okay, I really do get it.

  It's confusing to me though, to have you seem so upbeat one day and then all I hear is crickets the rest of the week.  I'll explain:  As I wrote in the last paragraph above in '43', when last we saw each other you seemed so excited to see me, you told me more than once how much you missed me, you kissed me with everyone else there.  It was a quick but sweet kiss on the lips, something you usually don't do around others, it's usually a peck on the cheek unless we are alone. Then a couple of days later we shared a few short texts between us with the last words you typed in the first one being "talk to you soon", the final text our sign between us we're thinking of each other.  Then, nothing for the next three long, excruciating, heartbreaking days.  So, being a thinking, feeling, sensitive human being, I had to get in touch with you, if for no other reason than to get a sign from you that "hey, sorry I've been busy, or thinking, or sick, or whatever, but I still have you on my radar and I'll get with you eventually" or "look, I really can't do this anymore right now".  It's the not knowing what you're doing, thinking or feeling that's got me wondering.  Then I thought since we talked after '42', maybe it was something I wrote in '43' that may have upset you; if so it was unintentional, I assure you, by now you should know I'd never do anything to upset or hurt you deliberately.  I can't talk to you therefore I write what I feel at the time so you'll know.  At least you're not in the dark about what is going through my mind and heart at the time.

  So, there you are, that's what I'm feeling right now.  I don't want you to read this and think I'm angry because I'm not, I'm just a bit bewildered about where we stand.  I don't and can't expect you to include me in everything you do every second of your day of course, I know that and have all along.  I'd just like to hear from you more than I have lately, mostly because I got used to it and I continue to have you on my mind 24/7.  To love you as I do is to love you as you are, therefore, anger isn't on my list of emotions when it comes to you.  That's one thing I never understood about those who say they did such and such 'out of love' for the other person.  Love, by the very definition of the word has no room for anger or hurting, love is giving and sharing.  Anyway, I'll get to that another time.  For now I want to apologize if you're bothered by my trying to contact you; once again to worry you is not my intention, I am totally missing you and need you in my life even if it's just a hello now and again, for now.  Rest peacefully, no stressing allowed, I'll not be in touch until I hear from you first.  Deal?  There's that delightful smile I love so much!  Good night, Gorgeous.

P.S. While looking around the net, I found this and thought it might bring a smile to your beautiful face:

"...To Hear Your Wonderful Laugh Once Again..."

  45th Night


  I have debated over and over whether or not to post this one.

  It's up because you told me you check here to see what and how I'm feeling.  

  This is it: I have no more secrets.  

Be gentle with my heart the next time  I talk to or see you, Gorgeous...



"So In Love With You"


Forty-Fifth Night...





   Hello again, Gorgeous.  It's two days since '43',  I had a chance to exchange texts with you in the morning and I was glad of that.  It's now 1:47 AM and after several drinks I'm still awake, still trying to cope with not being able to converse freely with you, rarely seeing you and yet I am so in love with you it's all okay.  It's okay because I know what I discuss on these pages is unlikely to happen anytime soon with your situation and where you are in your life, yet, I have this feeling of confidence that it will all work out between us, someday, some way, some how. At this point in time it's all just a fantasy, I know, but I have this positive outlook about 'Us' being together in the future and will be for the rest of our lives. 

  Another thing I know and have touched on but never elaborated is what I always refer to as "your situation": you are loved by many and have been by anyone you've ever come in contact with.  All these pages I write I talk about 'Us', we, ours and being together as if you have not ever been in a relationship with anyone else, never had a family, friends, coworkers and a host of others who have had their lives touched by you.  It's intentional so as not to slip up and give away any clues as to who you are since this is posted on the world wide web, plus going back to 'Foreword and 1', this is my fantasy, my dream, what I'm feeling, what I'd like to happen if I had a magic wand or a fairy godmother, a real 'Dreamcatcher'.  It's fun, loving you, because you're such a neat person and I'd like to be able to show the world how I feel.  I'm not delusional in my thinking, I know you're not going to just turn and walk away from all that you have, all that you've made of yourself through the years just because I have this fantasy, this dream of finding my true love in you.  To finally find, after all the years I've lived, the woman of my dreams is something to celebrate.  Since I can't shout it out to the world or put it in the newspaper, I sit and write my feelings here trying to tell you that I'm all about you in everyway.  There was a time, not so long ago, when I'd write, then we'd have a discussion about it everyday.  That, was such a wonderful, but short, period in my life and is when I felt the closest to you.  Lately we've drifted apart because the reality has outweighed the fantasy and that's a shame.  As I've said not too long ago, if I can't be anything else to you, I always will be your friend.  But I digress, I just wanted you to know that I do understand the difference between reality and fantasy, in case you were wondering.

  What more could I possibly have to write about you ask?  I've covered how beautiful you are, how smart, nice, sweet, sexy, talented, kind, caring, graceful, elegant, funny, desirable and all things that are you over and over.  In the beginning, though, while writing '5', I said that you should be told every day, several times a day, just how beautiful you are, both inside and out not only because it's so true but because you deserve to be reminded of your goodness and beauty and not ever be taken for granted. To be able to spend all my time with you, to LOVE you as you deserve to be loved means to never take you for granted or hurt your heart in any way, ever.  So that's what I have to write about tonight as I type this and long to be with you, missing you as I am every day, every night, every second we're apart.  In my eyes, my mind, my heart, you're perfect. Yes, perfect!  The ultimate woman, partner, lover, friend, soul mate.  The problem:  you're with another and have been for many years.  Yet, my attraction to you is so strong, I don't care because I know we were meant for each other.  I'll just have to wait for it to be the right time, the best time for you and on your terms.  How can I say that and have you believe me?  Well my Love, read on:

  I've written and told you I need you in my life, I want you, I miss you, I adore you and everything about you, I love you. That last one: I love you.  I write it but I don't say it very often because I think it makes you uncomfortable, not because you don't want me to love you but because of where you are in your life, who you are and with whom you spend most of your time.  I probably don't show it enough either but it's because I must not: to show you would mean to expose you and us and that would be trouble, at least at this moment in time.  Let me see if I can expound on the longest word in that timeless phrase: "I Love You".

  What is 'love' and why did I seem to use the term so quickly when we first started to show our fondness for each other?  Volumes about love have been written by countless writers for centuries, writers so much more eloquent and knowledgeable than I am.  So I'll try and offer my explanation on how it is that I have this fascination, passion and this commitment of total love for you and only you (Yes commitment. Without it, love doesn't exist, only infatuation).  While your beauty and sweetness is what draws me to you physically, so much of my love for you is spiritual as to be inexplicable: I feel it and know it's there, yet it's impossible to express it, it's just in me, mind, heart and soul, and its all about you always. 

  When I'm with you, I want to be nowhere else and with no one else. I try to imagine no other is even in the room or for that matter on the same planet.  I want it to be you and me and that's it.  My heart races, my mind is filled with thoughts of doing nothing but pleasing you, giving myself to you. 

I want to give you everything I have to give, all of me, unquestioned, unconditionally and unselfishly, not just material things but all that is my make up, my very being. In return, I want to absorb everything you show me and tell me, soak in all information about you like a sponge and keep that knowledge close to me on the inside as I am holding you close on the outside.

  I want to share every thought, every dream, every secret I have with you and want you to share all your thoughts, dreams and secrets with me.  

  I want to just gaze into your eyes, your beautiful smiling eyes, and see if I can find what's behind them in that extremely quick  mind of yours.  

  I want to say funny or dumb things just so I can see your dazzling smile and hear your laugh, a laugh so wonderful I can't come up with a superlative worthy of describing it. 

  I want to hold onto some part of you the whole time I'm with you: your hand, your arm, even just one finger, or touch your leg, have my arm around your waist, stroke your hair or your cheek, whatever part of you I can reach at the time including your toes as I have in the past. 

  If we are apart for a time, I want to know how your day was, whether at work, at home, if you were shopping or visiting friends and family, whatever went on in your day as I'm giving you a back rub, massaging your neck, shoulders or your tired feet and listening to your account of your activities. 

  I want to protect you, do whatever I have to in order to keep you safe from harm, any harm that may come your way, yet not be so overprotective that I smother you or make you feel like you're dependent upon me for everything in your life.  Your independence is important to you, it also matters to me.  I will, however, fight with all I have to defend you, if necessary.  

  I want to help you with day to day chores; as long as I'm working along with you or for you is all that matters.  That's the physical part of making your life easier.  I want to help you cope with whatever is on your mind or in your heart. I want to listen and if you ask me, offer my opinion.  I want you to help me cope with my life situations, help me to arrive at good, solid decisions because I trust your even-handed, level-headed judgment. 

  I want to visit places with you that you've always wanted to see, enjoy the same interests, hobbies, foods, experience everything you like to do.  I want to be wherever you are, I don't want to be without you at anytime.  

  I want to make love with you as often as possible, kissing and caressing every inch of your soft, warm, fragrant, delicious, beautiful self and I want our lovemaking to last for hours every time.  

  I want to take long baths together by candlelight in a bathtub large enough for two to be comfortable and intimate, showers too.  

  I want to fall asleep with you in my arms every night, wake up in the morning to see your gorgeous face, your lovely smile and hear your laugh to start my day.

  I want to take long, leisurely walks and bicycle rides, hikes along mountain trails, walks along the beach, sky watch, bird watch, stop to smell the flowers, look at the wonder of nature, the beauty of the world and share the knowledge that we will pick up along the way.  

  I want to do all the things you want to do that I haven't even thought of yet because you want to do them.  

  I want to share everything about me with you and have you share everything about you with me, not only because I want to hear it, but because you want to tell it.  

  I want to do all of these things because you want to do them too: tell them, live them, dream them, share them and enjoy them with me and only me. 

  I want to stop in the middle of everything I just said I want to do with you and hold you, hug you and kiss you gently, softly, yet long and passionately as I whisper "I Love You" over and over as you're telling me you love me too, whether alone or in a crowd.  

Kiss Me, Hold Me, Love Me      Kiss Me, Hold Me, Love Me


  While all of these thoughts start with what 'I want' (which at first may not sound at all about love or what you may think love means), I believe that 'love' itself is selflessness.  It's giving of oneself without conditions, to accept the one you love for who they are (which by the way it the reason I fell in love with you in the first place).  As I was writing these, I tried to convey to you what is in my heart to:

1. make you happy in all aspects of your life and 

2. give of myself fully and freely to you in order to achieve the main goal (see 1.)  

  By you being happy, that is, being satisfied in our passionate love (lovemaking), content with our intimate love (closeness) and comfortable with our committed love (me as your choice, you as mine) we as a couple will be inseparable, as a team unbeatable. The end result of you being completely happy (with me) will of course contribute to my total happiness and peacefulness within myself because I'm already in love with you.  That sensation that washes over me every time I am anywhere near you or hear the sound of your voice, that emotion of wanting to give you all of me, all the time, for all time in order for you to achieve your happiness and peacefulness is my way of expressing 'love'.  I don't believe it can be fully defined, that is, the feeling of love itself, it has to be experienced to even come close to trying to understand it and I am definitely experiencing it when it comes to you.  As such, I don't have it in me to get the least bit upset with you about anything happening in the present concerning our not being able to have very much contact because I do love you, unconditionally and accept you as the incredibly fabulous person that you are.  I understand why we can't be together at this moment and will wait for you.  My only regret about all of this is the amount of years we've already lost but I can't change that, I have to look to the future and dream of the time we will have together.  That you and I are together will truly be a dream come true, a fantasy turned into reality.     

  We have such a chemistry between us, a bond like I've never experienced with anyone else, ever. It's a total, complete oneness, this love for you I have within me: physically, mentally, spiritually. All that there is of myself I want melded into all that there is of you, a perfect union of us blended into a blissful, happy togetherness for eternity.  I hope you can someday feel this strongly about me, Gorgeous.  

  Now that I have told you what I want: what, my Darling, do you want?  I would love to hear it from you.  I do love you so, Gorgeous. Talk to you soon...


"Waiting For You So My Dream Comes True"

  46th Night




Forty-Sixth Night...


 Hello Gorgeous,

  To be able to talk to you daily again, to hear your beautiful voice tell me how you feel about me, how you wish we could be together and spend so much more of our time together is such a dream come true I don't think I can put a description with it.  Such a fantastic, uplifting sensation is what washes over me every time I hear the phone ring and see your number come up.  It's euphoric and I know you tell me not to thank you for it, but I must because I feel so blessed to have you in my life, to have you want to spend time with me even though it's not something that happens very often, for now.  But, My Darling, when we do get a chance to see each other, it's heavenly.  I cherish every memory I have of the times we've been able to be together, whether alone or with others; those times I held you in my arms and tasted your deliciously sweet kisses, while always too short, are burned into my soul, my very being.  As you've said, we're a perfect fit, I can think of no where else in the universe I'd rather be than with you and holding you in my arms.  You are truly the perfect woman to me and for me, once again I must say I adore you and everything about you, I can't get enough of you.  I miss you always when you're not here with me, I need you in my life to complete me, I want you in my life to fulfill all that we can be together, I love you and all that you are, mind, body and spirit and I will always give all of myself to you so that we may become one, a truly inseparable pair, a loving partnership that will live for eternity.  I truly love the thought of 'Us', Gorgeous.

"Every Memory of You is Tearfully Joyous"

  I know we can't be together this Valentine's Day but I want you to know you will be with me in my mind, my heart and my soul on this night as you are every second I exist.  Your beauty, kindness and goodness lives within me, my love for you growing stronger with every thought of you.  Our day will come, My Darling.  Happy Valentines Day, I do love you so, Gorgeous. 


"Hugs and Kisses For You"

      47th Night

"Spring Fairy"


Forty-Seventh Night...


Good Evening Gorgeous,

  It's been a while since I've written anything to, for or about you.  It's not because I'm not thinking of you, or wanting to be near you, it's mostly because after '45', as I suggested, I have no more secrets when it comes to how much I feel for you, how much I want you in my life, how much I love you although now I'm even more in love with you than when '45' was written.  Our paths don't cross very frequently, still we are able to talk on the phone often and those conversations are the highlight of my day.  That you, the most gorgeous woman I've ever had the pleasure to know, so stunningly beautiful inside and out, my dream girl, takes the time out of her busy day to call me is something that is so wonderful I can't describe the feeling of euphoria I get when the phone rings.  I truly feel blessed that you contact me daily knowing how much you have going on and how many depend on you because you're you.

  It was a pleasant surprise to see you the other night; you were, without a doubt, the most gorgeous woman in the room and I'm glad we got to spend some time together, even though there were so many others nearby.  I've said it before: just having you in the same room with me is such a treat, that dreadful feeling of loneliness I have when you're not around, whether at home alone or in a crowded hall, always dissipates for those few wonderful minutes I'm able to be where you are.  I can only fantasize about how complete I'm going to feel when we are able to spend all of our time together.  To be able to hold you, gaze into your eyes, hear your wonderful laugh, breathe in the sweet scent that is only you and taste your delicious kisses for as long as I want, for as long as we want, will be my idea of heaven. Heaven on earth is going to be having you in my arms and knowing you want to be there as much as I want you there.  

  It's been a long, cold, lonely winter.  Even though I'm not alone physically, I am alone without you, terribly alone.  Spring is a few days away, the March winds are here now but behind them will be warmer days, April showers and May flowers, the days growing longer and the chance that I'll be able to see you again as you ride your bike in the neighborhood becoming better and better with the changing season.  Whenever I see you coming down the road and can look upon your beautiful self, even in exercising attire as you're riding, I smile both outwardly and inwardly, knowing that our day will come and I'll be lonely no more, able to spend my days and nights with the woman of my dreams, my Genuine Gorgeous Girl. I do love you so.

"My Love For You Grows Stronger With Every New Season"

   48th Night

"To Touch Your Hand Is To Touch My Dreams"


Forty-Eighth Night...


  Good Morning Gorgeous,

   Yes, it's morning, after midnight.  I've been reflecting on seeing you earlier and felt compelled to write about it. First, let me tell you how much I enjoyed hearing from you in the afternoon, I was sure you wouldn't call because of the weather, when you did I was surprised, very pleasantly surprised.  The phone connection wasn't the greatest, but knowing you took the time to call me and we had a conversation that lasted over fifteen minutes lifts me up higher than words can express.  Again, not to overuse the word, but I LOVE hearing from you!  It's the highlight of my day, my week, my life hearing from you.  I asked you, " has anyone told you how beautiful you are today?"  You laughed your wonderful laugh and played it down, but you knew I meant you're the most beautiful woman I've ever had the pleasure to know, because, Darling, you are and I want you to know it.  Everyday, every time I get to talk to you, I want you to know how much I adore you and everything about you.  To be able to spend days, months, years with you wouldn't be enough time; I wish we could have  a thousand decades of a life together; I just cannot get enough of you.

  Later in the day as I was heading out the door to see if I could maybe have the luck to run into you, I look down the street and there you are; you had just passed by the house on your bicycle!  As I'm wishing in my mind and hoping in my heart that I'd see you soon, I get my wish!  So I drive down the block, pull into a parking space just ahead of you and the look on your face was priceless when you realized it was me!  As I gazed into your eyes, trying to peer once again into your soul since I haven't seen you in what seems like months, I was mesmerized by your beauty.  Yes, My Love, even when you're hot and perspiring from your workout, even in the most casual of clothes, you are the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on.  Gorgeous doesn't do you justice.  As if your physical beauty isn't enough, your goodness, kindness, niceness and gracefulness melt my heart.

  To have a few minutes to talk with you in person and look at you, a rarity these days it seems, makes it all that much more special.  You had to go, a schedule to keep, others who needed you to be where they were.  I was able to touch, then kiss, your soft, warm hand and tell you how much I could love you. You knew I meant it, you said you were "feeling it".  I'm so glad you are, I'm so in love with you, I can only wonder when our day will come, yet in my heart I know it will come.  Sweet dreams, My Love, I miss you, need you, want you in my life and love you  more than words can express.  Good Night Sweetness...

   49th Night

"Dancing With You In the Full Moon Light"


Forty-Ninth Night...


  Hello My Darling,

  I had the pleasure of seeing you again last night.  You were a bit late in arriving, I was beginning to think you got sidetracked and wouldn't make it.  As I watched you gracefully glide through the room, I was once again struck by just how absolutely stunning you are and continue to be puzzled as to why the one closest to you never seems to pay attention to you most of the evening.  To have you is to have the happiness of a loving relationship unparalleled to any I could ever imagine, yet it seems he could care less, that is unless someone else starts to show you some attention then he steps in.  But that's not for me to offer an opinion or comment.  Just know, my Love, that the two of us together would be so different, such a marvelous oneness of love and respect for each other. 

  I wanted to talk to you more than I was able,  I wanted to share all my thoughts of  'Us' while the April moon was at its fullest.  Of course there were many others there so I couldn't.  I was able to briefly touch your soft, warm hand, hug you and kiss your cheek quickly, yet I must confess I wanted so much more; selfishly I want you, all of you, for myself.  Our eyes met many times during the course of the night, I felt my soul was able to touch yours a few times, my heart full of the love for the beautiful woman you are both inside and out.  If my dream of  you and me could have come true, we would have danced slowly and lovingly under the full moon light, falling together in an embrace too wonderful for words, making love until we fell asleep in each others arms, blissfully, so in love, so together as to be melded into one being.  Oh, Gorgeous, I do love you so.  If only my fantasy of  'Us' were to magically become reality so we could share the wonder of what I believe is a true love, a love of soulmates, you and me for eternity.

  As I was driving home, thinking of you, your beauty, gracefulness, kindness and goodness I smiled to myself knowing you know how much I am in love with you and you seem to be very okay with it.  When I was getting ready for bed, I checked my phone one last time and there was a text from you, such a wonderful surprise and an even more marvelously thought provoking three letter message.  I whispered goodnight to you as I drifted off to sleep with the vision of your loveliness in my mind, the fantasy of making love with you felt deep within my heart, dreaming of when our day will come.  Yes, My Love, our day WILL come!  Good night Gorgeous, I miss you so much it's painful.

   50th Night

"My Genuine Gorgeous Girl: So Stunning in White"


Fiftieth Night...


  Hello Sweetness,

  Tonight I reach a milestone of  fifty nights of writing to you: my thoughts, my dreams, my fantasies of you and me, 'Us'.  Oh, My Darling, how I long for 'Us' to become a reality!  I am totally all about you all the time. I miss you more than words can express, I am pained to the core knowing you're so close yet still so far away. Yet, as I continue to understand why it must be this way at this point in time, I find myself so alone, so lonely without you, wanting to be sharing all we have together, holding you, caressing your softness, kissing you, loving you.  Every second I'm away from you is a second lost forever without you.  I wish I could have the Dreamcatcher whisk you away to where I am so we could begin the life together we both so want to happen.  I do Love You so. Truly, I do adore you and all there is about you.

  It was a wonderful weekend: I was able to be in your company two nights in a row! Seeing you in white, your beautiful tanned skin enhanced by the purest of all colors, was absolutely mesmerizing.  You are so gorgeous, so totally, captivatingly feminine, such an elegant, graceful lady.  You say you're not a 'graceful girl', I say oh yes you are!  I loved watching you enter the room both nights, how it is you can be left alone for most of the night (both nights)  is absolutely dumbfounding to me.  I would have you so close to me you'd probably tell me to please back off for a while!

  To be you, to look in the mirror just before you walk out your door and see how much you are the total Genuine Gorgeous Girl has got to make you smile and feel so proud of yourself; the perfect woman.  Your hair: beautiful, silky and fragrant.  Your face: genuinely gorgeous, so beautiful in fact you're always, hands down, the best looking girl in the room.  Yes you are!  There are some younger, some the same age, some older than you in every venue, yet you are the most beautiful, always, ALWAYS!  Your skin: so flawless and tanned, so soft and warm.  Your shapely body: so perfect, so fit, so youthfully vibrant in the way you carry yourself.  Your cute painted toes: so tantalizing in those shoes that were made for you in all your gorgeousness, perfectly symmetrical, another flawless part of the perfect package.  From head to toe, faultless, flawless, beautiful.  Yet behind the physical beauty is a goodness and niceness, a kindness so wonderful that makes you such a desirable, complete package of total womanhood I can hardly contain myself when I'm near you.  I may not show it, but believe me, My Love, it takes every ounce of control I have within me not to show the world how I feel about you.

  I will close out now, tomorrow will come soon enough,  maybe I'll get to see you riding your bike.  I certainly hope so, even though I've seen you, hugged you and kissed you quickly less than 24 hours ago, it seems so much longer because I want so much more of you, your attention, your everything.  I love, need, want and miss you.  Sweet dreams, Gorgeous.

I love your smile

I love your laugh

I love your eyes

I love your voice

I love your touch

I love your kiss

I love your heart


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